SORRY

A woman and her young daughter
walked by me, heading opposite,

img_7491-3

Art by Bink. Looks like a girl flying to me!

on the narrow sidewalk
outside the Y this morning.

I’m sorry, Older She said
in passing
as women often do,
and though my mouth was silent
I wanted with all my heart to say

Please don’t apologize for taking up space.
If you want to regret anything,
be sorry for shrinking away,
making yourself small.
Anytime. Ever. You most of all,

a mother
to a daughter, will you please
lengthen, and widen. Stand up

and show your big glorious self

Spread your arms wide so
your daughter will see

how to fly.

My mouth stayed shut, though,
conscious as it was
about taking up room on my face.
and I thought, for the hundredth time,
the thousandth;
Those daily speaking engagements
Internally – thought,
Externally, conversation, —
are we not
often, or always,
speaking mostly, actually,
to ourselves?

– Melinda Coppola

 

On growing and knowing | Wisdom

wisdom tree

wisdom tree

The older I get the less I know. I woke with these words in my mouth, and they taste both new and true.

My birthday has arrived and this one is significant somehow in a way no others have been. Fifty five, as in 55! The exclamation point is genuine, because I am rather mystified at the speed with which time passes. Those numbers look so solid and substantial on the page. Time is one of the things I used to think I knew something about.

When I was young I thought I’d always know more as I got older, but I think I was confusing knowledge with wisdom. Knowledge says,” I know why the sky appears blue and when the tide will rise. I know which suspected carcinogens reside in that food and this shampoo. I know who the first ten US presidents were and where Albania is and how to say spring in Hebrew.” Knowledge knows from the head.

Wisdom does not concern itself with facts and figures. It doesn’t believe, it just knows. Wisdom is married, in a long-coupled and deeply familiar way, to an abiding trust in the ways of the universe. That loving marriage can bear many fruits, not the least of which is compassion. Wisdom knows from the heart.

Wisdom is humble, while knowledge can sometimes be arrogant. It seems to me, too, that knowledge is about acquiring, about taking things on, absorbing information. And knowledge can be incredibly useful for living in the world and getting by. Wisdom is about peeling stuff away, letting go of appearances and allowing the light and the darkness to complement each other. Letting go and allowing.

Part of my decision to start a blog relates to my relationship with wisdom. I’m moving closer to living authentically more of the time. This includes noticing and even embracing the fact that my head knows less than I thought it did. For example, I no longer know what path is right for you, why you act the way you do and why or how you can do what you do and say what you say. Wisdom means noticing and embracing that my heart knows more than I knew it did. For example, I know that when I trust my intuition I can flow with the river of life rather than try to swim against it. The blog? Intuition made me do it.

I look forward to a year of letting go and allowing, of knowing less and being more. And you know what, 55? That exclamation point looks good on you!